Accepting your Nonacceptance

A lot of people come to meditation practice in order to learn to accept things. But how do we that? We encounter a lot of things in our life that seem to defy acceptance: Pain, injury, illness, loss of loved ones, emotional battles, hatred and social injustice – how do we accept these things that seem to draw the opposite of acceptance out of us? Do we try to force acceptance on ourselves, with resignation and self-discipline? Are we supposed to learn to stuff our instinctive reaction to all these things? This feeling that we should be able to accept things we don’t like can be a trap and an unnecessary source of discouragement.

The answer is that we need to first thoroughly accept our nonacceptance. We need to see our nonacceptance clearly and accept that that is what’s here now. According to Buddhist thought, or even secular mindfulness teachings, true peace comes from clearly seeing and clearly comprehending ourselves – our bodies and minds in this moment just as they are – clearly recognizing what is here in this moment – including any nonacceptance.

These days, skillful acceptance of nonacceptance is both more complicated, and more important than ever, when there are so many people in power stirring up hatred and causing so much harm and suffering in the world. But, to see the deeper Dhamma, is to see that all things in this moment are already perfect, and exactly as they must be. The mediaeval Zen master, Dogen Zenji, said that all things always occupy their Dharma positions. This is one meaning of emptiness. Even the people we perceive as villains are themselves perfect expressions of the emptiness of which we are also a part. Their arising was inevitable based on the causes and conditions that preceded them. On the other hand, if you are feeling aghast at some of the things that are happening, that feeling and your opposition to those you see as villains, as well as any actions you take to protects other beings, is equally a perfect and necessary part of all things. Your nonacceptance deserves acceptance as much as anything else.

In a sense, we can say that all our personal trials and tribulations, all our interpersonal dramas, and all the fighting and turmoil that surrounds us is simply emptiness dancing with itself. Though this is true, it is also true that you have no choice but to play your part in the dance. It is not possible to sit this one out. There is no sideline. That is also one of the meanings of emptiness. It is not possible to separate yourself out from anything else. Even to do nothing is to do something, and you are still inescapably part of the dance. This is the most important thing we need to accept in order to find some peace in the midst of a tumultuous world – that we are all an integral part of this dance and that it’s not up to us to call the tune. The universe itself is doing that flawlessly. Our job is to meet the music and choose what moves we’re going to bring to the dance floor.

So, please take time to turn your awareness back toward yourself, both in formal practice and in daily life. See your nonacceptance without any judgment. Life contains a lot of pain. It makes sense that you don’t want to accept much of it. Have compassion towards yourself and allow your nonacceptance the right to exist. But also see that there is a difference between not accepting harmful actions or inaction, or not accepting hatred and division, or not accepting the progress of disease and its symptoms (if there is a treatment), and so on… See that there is a difference between not passively accepting these things and not accepting the song that the universe is playing at the moment and our place on the dance floor. Fighting for healing or change, for justice, or for mutual respect and compassion is one thing. Pulling out one’s hair and screaming, “why is this happening!” is another.

A lot of dukkha comes from not accepting our present reality – from not accepting the presence of all the other beings on the dance floor and the song that the universe is currently playing. Of course, we must also see that type of nonacceptance without judgment when it is present in our heart-mind. It makes sense that it is there, but we do not need to continue feeding that type of nonacceptance. It brings tremendous suffering and serves absolutely no useful purpose. When thoughts of, “Why!” emerge, abandon them, and step onto the floor to the music that is playing. The good news is that your dance moves will always be perfect as they are.

I realize that there is a degree of circularity in my words, but that is the nature of words. They can never directly convey the truth but can only circle around it.

Michael Bresnan