Our sangha is a diverse group. There are young people, older people, people of different racial and ethnic backgrounds. There is diversity in the expression of gender and sexuality. We have different occupations and come from different family structures. But, despite all these differences in the particularities of our lives, we all share at least one thing in common, and that is that we suffer, and we would like to find a path out of that suffering. This is something that unites all beings. Of course, suffering is not evenly distributed. Many get more than their fair share of suffering, either due to random events or systemic injustice. I’m not trying to paper that over. My point is simply that all beings suffer, some more intensely than others, but we all suffer. We all try to hang on to the things that we like, and despite our wishes, those things change and slip away from us. And we all try to get away from the things that we don’t like, yet those painful things continue to follow us. We can’t shake them. And, because of this, we suffer. We all do. Even the animals in our yard suffer like this.
The people that cause suffering to others also suffer themselves. Vladimir Putin suffers the same as everyone else. The acknowledgment of this doesn’t let him off the hook for his crimes. It’s simply to say that all beings without exception are in this same boat with us. To recognize that we have this in common with all beings is the foundation for true compassion and loving kindness.
Not only is it the basis for compassion towards others, but it is also the basis of compassion toward oneself. In Western psychology there is now a lot of research that is beginning to look at self-compassion – looking at its healing properties, and how to help people cultivate it. Those spearheading this research say there are three things needed for self-compassion: mindful recognition of one’s own pain, the recognition that all beings also have such painful experiences, and then offering oneself some kindness and support. They believe that one cannot easily offer oneself kindness and support without also contemplating the universal nature of the pain, and we are beginning to see a lot of research backing this up.
It reminds me of a story in the suttas. A woman lost her child and was overcome with grief such that she could no longer function. She sought out the Buddha and asked him to please bring her child back to life for her. The Buddha told her to go and bring him a mustard seed from a household where no one has experienced the death of a loved one. She went through the neighboring villages, but every household told her that they too had suffered the loss of someone dear. She returned to the Buddha and relayed her experience to him, and was then able to accept her loss, painful though it was.
It’s so interesting that we are now rediscovering what was known 2,600 years ago – that contemplating the universality of suffering helps us navigate our own suffering. It helps us to move forward and releases us from the prison of self-judgment.
So, we have this universal disease, which we call dukkha. And thankfully there is also a universal treatment for this disease, which is mindful self-awareness. It is the universal treatment because what traps all beings in the disease is the clinging to and identification with what is being experienced. When we practice mindfulness, the very act of observing what’s taking place in our bodies and minds in the present moment, without any judgment, results in at least a momentary disidentification with the experience. When I observe my pain, I am no longer identified with the pain. There is the experience of pain, and there is also the knowingness that is conscious of the pain. To observe the experience of pain, without judgment or mental elaboration, shifts one’s perspective to that of the knowingness that encounters all sorts of pleasant and painful experiences as a life unfolds. To know that all beings also experience pain helps one let go of judgments and self-narratives about what one is experiencing. These two things: Knowing the universality of suffering, and bringing mindfulness to what is being experienced in the present moment, enables us to stop being defined by our pain and suffering, just as the woman that went to the Buddha for help was able to stop being defined by her grief.
Michael Bresnan
The Lotus
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